Yep. Silly, silly girl.
This is an excerpt from an email to Debra (who totally loves me, by the way... not that I ever doubted her!)
"And then CLICK! I realized what has been going on... I had continued my drama and insecurity and running away from strife from the old days even though I don't actually have those issues anymore since I started the Wellbutrin. I guess another way I could say it is that I no longer feel like I can't cope with the world... but I was still acting like i did... I continued the extreme behaviors but no longer had the extreme feelings. And that's why I was so messed up with Ian!!!
...and look how that turned out. I am not going to throw away something like that again... especially the possibility of even better... this guy wants kids (already has one), he has a job, he has a life plan!
I sat down and thought about all of the super sweet stuff that he had done and I just couldn't get away from the fact that he was everything that I have been looking for. Everything. (That just seems suspicious to me!) A couple of little quirks of course (he doesn't let his dog upstairs because he hates the fur on everything! I practically bought a wardrobe of stretchy pants so that I had a fresh pair every day with Daisy!) but no deal breaker in sight. Seriously, everything that I have been looking for is in this man - that can't be possible. A couple of them I threw on the list for fun, for shit's sake!!! He probably beats women. Boozer. Sluts around with nasty ho's!! Crap, I can't believe how messed up I was!!! Automatically look for the bad. And I never imagined that I would learn think this way and be this way and live this way! I honestly did not feel that it was possible to feel this deep down peace... this is freedom! It's messed up, dude, it's messed up! But I decided to see him again and have good thoughts and see what happens.
To make a long story short (tee hee!), he just left! I like him. I really do. And that's kinda exciting - and beyond scary but I'm gonna check out the excited side for a change... the running is getting old!"
