Yeah, so I spent 2 hours in the emergency room after the last entry. Damn, that was scary. My tongue went fat and numb and I was tripping over my speech. I called Gayleen and Chris to come get me. After we got to the hospital, the allergy medication started to kick in and the swelling went down a bit. They gave me some antihistamine so it wouldn't come back. My eyes are still swollen. I have no idea what is causing this. An allergy to something, but what?

Anyway, I kind of feel like my old self right now. My old self as in pre-chemical enhancement. Not in a big crazy depression but down somehow. Just blah. I don't like it. I just got down with my bad old self in the bedroom and cried afterward. I hate that. It better not start again. Well, back to work and back on a schedule so maybe that will get me in line again.

That episode with Fabian the other night oddly seemed to put me at ease about the whole thing anyway. I guess I was reminded of his lack of caring and je ne sais pas. Asking if I'm horny instead of asking if I'm well or happy or sad. That's how little he thinks of me? Well, I don't really think that. It's more like that's who he is and that's who I don't want to be with anymore.

I need sleep! Puff head!!