So, you know what's really funny? And this is hilarious but has nothing to do with this post... I can never remember Lyle's name. Just for a split second, not all the time but often, the wrong name pops into my head... Niall, Fabian, Ian, Karl... all of them... weird... I think it's because he is a little bit of all of them. But maybe that does have something to do with my post... I guess we'll see. (**Dad just called and asked how Kyle was!**)
I haven't heard from Lyle today. We spent an extremely wonderful day together on Friday, he stayed over and left yesterday morning. We haven't spoken since and, you know what? I am absolutely totally cool with that. He is busy, I'm sure, but I think he needed to step back a bit. And when he does call, I am going to tell him that I want him to spend exactly how much time with me as he wants to. No more, no less.
I don't know if he's the one for me. I don't know if he is someone who can support me to lead this life that I feel I need to lead. (Why do I sound so greater-than-thou?? I don't mean to.) I mean, things are looking good with Lyle (like super good!!!) and I am extremely hopeful but I don't know yet... we are just getting started. So, if I don't know if he's the one for me then I'm sure he doesn't know if I'm the one for him. Things seem a little bit too good to be true, to be honest. But it's not "I don't know" in a bad way, in a doubting way, only in that I have to see what happens.
I'm on the fence and I will see how things play out and trust that whatever happens is how things should play out (I frikin' love this fence, dude!) And so, for the rest of his life (unless I say otherwise because I'm allowed to change my mind, too), I want him to spend exactly as much time with me as he wants to. Perhaps a day, perhaps 60 years. And this also holds for everyone that I know. I believe, I am confident in my path even though I don't know what it is yet.
