I was just reading some old posts and it was as if I was reading someone else's words. It was like reading the boring melodramatic story of a highly confident, albeit slightly messed up, woman in her mid 30s. And, I have to tell you, through a lot of it I was rolling my eyes and wondering how this woman got to be so goddamned sure about herself. I mean listen to her go on and on, pat, pat, pat on the back. Was that me?
But why the fuck not be her? So goddamned sure about herself. I reminded myself today that I now kind of get a kick out of reading about the life changing struggles that I poured my heart out about just a few years ago... I was tormented and uncomfortable and anguished... they were so frustrating and ... and now they are a distant memory (and oddly seem so much simpler in hindsight) and I am so much better off for going through all of that. So I guess tormented and uncomfortable and anguished are just part of my personality. And people put up with it, for the most part. There's obviously some good going on here, girlfriend. Let's have a little looksy at that for a change.
Of course, I'll get through this, too - I'm just soaking up the drama! Okay, well, along with pouring my heart out about the life changing struggles that are in progress. This is where I think and sort and discover and question and I don't have to feel like I am ruining someone's night and they are probably pissed that they picked up the phone but enough about me how about you mutherfuker (bitter much?). This is why we are here, these are the lessons we are seeking and there will be plenty more, I'm sure.
First comes the thought
and from the thought comes the word;
from the word springs the deed
and the deed slowly becomes habit;
until habit hardens into character
and you become your thoughts.
- Georgia Nicols (Horoscope chick)
We are working on the habit part right now, Beverly. We will get to the character part eventually and when we do it's gonna be fine! Right now we are learning and we are testing and we are struggling but we are doing this for a reason and we will be better for it in the long run. Now, go light up another doobie, strap on the ole iPod and shake your booty!!!
