So, yeah, it's been a frustrating day. I mean, I love this new brain and I love knowing that the frustrations and problems are temporary. I just wish I could turn it off sometimes, you know? Just that whole male/female, why doesn't he like me, am I not good enough crap. I know I'm good enough. I know that if someone doesn't like me it's not personal and that there could be nothing between us anyway. I know that the past is past is past.

But it's frustrating that everything is always so hard. Why am I the only one with no one to love me? And not getting married? And not having kids? And I don't even want those things. So WHY am I so different and everything is a struggle?

I know I always get emotional at the weekend of my period. Maybe that's all it is. Otherwise I'm okay with it all. Or I can push it away, at least. But I'm lonely. I want to be in a relationship. There - I said it. But most of all I just want to turn the emotions off and go climb under something. But I can't do that anymore. The down side of this medication is that I have to deal with stuff instead of sleeping for a week. So maybe I'm really not ready to get involved anyway. Not that I have a choice.

I don't know. I just don't.