I think it might be time to get back to utilizing the therapeutic benefits of this book. Things are a little rough - not in a slump, I'm chemically enhanced! - but growing pains, maybe.

I think I might finally be over Fabe. Over thoughts of getting back with him, anyway. That's nice. But am I ready to date? Am I ready to put myself out there? Am I ready for possible rejection?

And then I have to say probably not because just the fact that I am assuming there will be rejection shows me that lavalife probably isn't the best place for me. I know I'll get some hits but I doubt they will be from people I want to hear from. Why am I even doing this, anyway? What happened to the old fashioned way of just living life and seeing what happens?

Okay, let's look at it this way. Say I do get noticed by someone online, he thinks I'm cute, I think he's cute and we meet. I don't want to get deeply involved with anyone. Yeah. I need to back up a little. It's not like I'm even feeling lonely lately. But physically this is not the me that I want people to see. But what about loving yourself and believing that others can love you, too? And to that I say but what about this big fucking spare tire??