Losing a little momentum I said? Hmmm. Looks like I have done a major back track. It all stopped during this past month - the exercise, the weight loss, the guitar lessons, the good feelings. I just realized this past couple of days that I've let myself get down again. Butting heads with Fabe, wanting to be alone. I'm not down as far as I was in July but I'm no where near as close to 'up' as I have been. I know I can't always be up but I thought that I was in control and I let everything slide. So, it's time to start upward again. Sigh.

I just reread my previous entries in this journal and I want to feel that good again. That good inside my head. I'm having serious doubts about my relationship with Fabe right now. The past while we seem to get on each others never whenever we are together. To be honest, it's more like he's getting on my nerves and the way I'm reacting to that is getting to him. Whatever, we have not been getting on well. Even the sex is kind of so so. I don't know what to do about it. Giving up has entered my mind more than once. What if Dr. Gray is right and just because I love him doesn't mean that he's the right person for me and just because he cares for me doesn't mean that he gives me what I need.

What I need to do is get back to work on the other stuff that was making my head good and let the Fabe thing work itself out. I need to start writing here again regularly, too. I think it will help me see the down coming sooner instead of waiting until I'm ready to jump out the window.

LOVE YOURSELF