When I start psyching myself out about the things that I wrote in my profile (because I always do!), instead of throwing up crappy one line generic crap, I am going to remember that horoscope. It's time to stop trying to blend in. I'm getting closer, I know I am... shit, I am doing fantastic... character. Even on the bad days, character is character.
And you know what else?? I only need one. I only need one person to reply. The right person. There can be a thousand wrong guys or there can be a thousand nobodies but at some point I will meet the right guy... it will take exactly the same amount of time, no matter what I do (I mean, you have to be proactive and out there, obviously), I can lay in bed under the covers or I can keep becoming the me that I want to be and trust that I will bump into him somewhere... I believe that it will happen... even if it takes another 20 years.
And at the same time, I can admit that I am ready, I want it to be soon but I refuse to be in a rush and pick someone just because I'm lonely. I am lonely but the feelings that I have right now aren't going to dictate the course of my life... I walked down that road. And we're talking winner's choice now... first you have to win. And now I can say that I want this, and get it, and believe that I can get it right. I'm not listening to that me anymore, the one who didn't believe. I'm gonna start chillin' with this new laid back winner chick and see what comes of it. (As scary as that prospect feels sometimes!!!!!)
This guy, Rob, that I have corresponded with a few times seems really nice... he's asking the right questions and telling me the right answers. Patience. Let's see. Maybe, maybe not. He has a seven year old son... I like that idea. I wonder why he has soul custody. I wonder if he will email me again. I wonder. And it's actually kinda fun! Why did I always try to skip this part? I guess because I know who I like when I like him and I don't beat around the bush. I've never had any idea what patience was. I never had any idea how fun this part would be! And I was always too busy trying to live in tomorrow that I forgot to appreciate today. Even with a big belly. Even now. Today... I'm here... this is me.
