HE SAID:
>
> Nice. Thank you, really (c:
> Wow. no email feelings eh(c: I know you busted your ass for me while
> in the hosp and many other times chicky pooh. I had to tell you right
> away about Lynda visiting and seeing me. We tried......remember you
> gave me those photos for plentyoffish then got mad because they were
> still up. You are ok right?
> I am doing well. aches and pains etc. incredible munchies from Predezone.
> Thanks for your thoughts, I have to go snooze. We said no email
> feelings eh(c: I'll read it again.
> Ian
SHE SAID:
Good, I'm glad that was your reaction. I didn't know what to expect but that was exactly the response that I wanted... so, I thank you, too. There's lots more where that came from if you're looking for a light read! LOL
Yeah, that no email feelings concept didn't really pan out the way that I had hoped, huh? I thought it would help us communicate better but it never really did happen the way I imagined it would. I had a big argument with Mom about that subject when she was here. I asked her, as someone with experience and a 40 year marriage, how did she feel about communicating by letter when you were having trouble getting something out? I expected that she would say she thought writing to each other was very helpful --- because when I was a kid I used to look in my folk's room for porn (yes, the devil got to me early) and I found a letter that Dad was writing to Mom and he was flipping out about something she said or did. I always thought that was how they communicated. She says "Oh god, no, we never did any of that stuff; we would write love notes in the early days but no, nothing like that". Looks like she didn't receive the letter after all. And then she started saying stuff like he was free to go if he wanted to go and "when your father threatened to leave, I said 'you know where the door is.'" And my jaw dropped. I was pissed at her because I knew exactly how those words would feel because that's how she used to treat me, too... and that's how I treat other people! I said, "you mean to tell me that you don't think that it would have helped to put your arms around him and say I'm sorry, I love you, let's work it out??????????????" Do you wonder where I got it from? But I guess she learned it from somewhere, too. So now I am - again - a huge advocate of writing it out (only when sober!) but I am also learning how to put my arms around the person... because that just sounds like a good idea.
I appreciate you telling me about Lynda, it was very good of you to be upfront about it. I was surprised that you would go back with her after the things that you told me (that seems even worse than me getting back together with Fabian)... but I suppose the things that seemed so bad before me were not so bad after. I can't blame you for choosing to be with someone else - it's just not something that I am ready to witness yet. I'm not trying to be difficult or mean but it hurts right now... I know that won't last forever but that's how it is right now. It's okay, anyway, because that means that I am not pushing away my feelings. I'm learning lots about myself and for that I am grateful.
I'm glad you are feeling good... you must be pigging out like a mad man! Have you gained lots of weight, fatty? I'm selling if you're buying!
