Ian replied to an email that I sent at the same time as the "reply to the reply" - I asked him to see if his sister still wanted my old curtains and he had forwarded the message to her and forwarded her answer to me. And that's it. Wuz shaken? he said. Wuz shaken.
And guess who I got a call from today? No, guess? (that's the way I told Stacey at dinner) Guess! Fabian. The one, the only. He was in Langley and asked if I wanted a visit. I gave him a big hug when I saw him. And he smelled like Fabian; I remember that smell. He showed me his new van-thingy that he is so proud of, we went for a short drive. The steering is on the right side... that's the first time that I have been in something like that... kinda odd but pretty cool. I remembered that I like his driving, I trust him. He is, after all, a professional driver. Anyway, we came back here and chatted for a couple of hours. Same old Fabe - only a few sexual comments, though, which was a nice change. At 5pm I had to leave to go meet Stacey. I gave him another big hug and went on my merry way. And it came to my mind that I felt no attraction to him anymore. I still care about him as a person and want him to be happy and to find love but I don't want that to be from me anymore. And then it hit me that someday I will feel that way about Ian, too. I let go of Fabian in March 2006 (and if you read my postings from that time, you will see exactly why I would phrase it 'let go' instead of 'broke up') and Ian and I started dating that June. I can't really say when I stopped thinking about Fabe; I guess it just went away after a while. And then we had sex last October, mere hours before Ian invited me over for the first time since the breakup. And I would have chosen to be with Ian a million times over. It was what really made me want to be back with Ian. The next night when he held me all I could think was "I'm home. This is where I want to be." And now he's holding someone else. Then I remembered that today Fabe and I talked about his girlfriend and it didn't bother me in the very least.
And some day I will fee that way about Ian, too. I don't right now. But I will.
