Damn, I can't get out of this funk. I am starting to feel like I did after my accident in 2003 when I spent a lot of time here, the shut in. Of course, back in those days I also had a head injury and a lot of pain so I am not quite on the floor with a bottle of pills... but I am concerned.
The real piss off is that I know what to do to get myself out of this but I just don't feel like it. I think I will take myself to a movie in a bit... hopefully that will break the seal. I don't want to eat (until late in the evening when I get stoned and munchy); what I really want to do is get back to that fun girl from a few weeks ago. Where did she go? What happened? I was all about the charm, socializing here and there, dancing to and fro and then it just crashed down around me. What's different? The boy? Or is that coincidence? Doesn't really seem like it... seems more like old news to me. And I guess I could beat this but I don't seem to want to... I want it to swallow me, I want it to finish me. How could I go so far backward so fast? I think I'm better off by myself. Fuck, this even happens when the guy only wants to see me once a week. I need brain surgery.
*** And the light that went on said 'exercise'. It's the only difference between then and now that I can see. Yes, yes, cycle, blah, blah, blah. I am backtracking and I need to get back on course. Exercise. Hmm. Little. Yellow. Different.
