After I wrote the last post, I started reading the letters that were in the box where I found my diary. Here are two letters that were written to me from my parents as a part of a COR retreat that I did in high school (grade 12, I think... so, 1989ish).
From Mom:
Dear Beverly,
I hope you are enjoying your weekend. Imagine a whole weekend away from Cinderella duties.
First of all Bev I want to tell you that I am sorry if I seemed harsh in discussing Safe Grad the other night. I guess I get overly irritated when things don't go exactly the way I would like it.
Since this letter is not meant to deal with my personality, but to tell you how how much I love you and how proud I am of you and everything you do. you are a beautiful young woman and it may seem that sometimes you get lost in the crowd. you also feel taken for granted most of the time. Believe me, I appreciate going home and not having to face an untidy house.
You know it's too bad that life moves by all of us so fast. There never seems to be enough time for parents to sit back and enjoy their families the way they should. It seems we only make the time when we feel there is a problem to deal with. We never take the time to just sit back and enjoy each other. Maybe that's not totally right. I do like to feel that you and I have had some good chats together. I hope when you leave us next year and if you decide to live on your own, you will spend as much time with us as you can. Once you go to university and are so far away, we won't see you very often.
You know Bev you find it hard to believe that I consider you my baby. I have kind of put Debra aside in my mind. She is so young and we will have a long time to enjoy time with her, please God. But you never did get to have our undivided attention, did you? That does not mean that we are not aware of you.
Your father is also writing you a letter. We have not shared what is written and we won't but I do have to tell you that after the drama festival the other night he said how proud he was and how beautiful you are.
You have an inner beauty that also shines through in your expression. You have an easygoing way about you but I know there is a lot of depth to you also. You are a deep thinker and sometimes have been terribly depressed. At times I feared for you, but thank God, your strength overcame whatever was getting you down.
I hate the thought of you growing up. It seems I hardly realized you were 17 years and there you are finishing school. It always seems that you shouldn't be that old already. You went from 14 to 17 so fast, going out on dates with older guys. It's hard to let you grow up, to let go.
I don't know if this weekend will make a lot of difference to you. I guess I always like to think that we are a close family, that family life is important to you and to the rest of us. You are everything we want you to be at this stage of your life.
You are a caring, loving person. You are not always out on the go. You spend time at home with us. You are willing and as we discussed once before, you could have grown up with a chip on your shoulder because of Debra but you haven't. She thinks you are wonderful.
Bev I could probably keep going on here forever, but you have other things to get on to. I hope when this weekend is over you will remember some of what I have said, especially when you want to do something and I'm against it. You will have to remind me you are growing up and of course I'll probably still give you a hard time.
Remember always that I love you and am proud of you. You are a special person. We love you for the wonderful person you are.
Enjoy the rest of your weekend. We will see you on Sunday. Remember although I don't say it often in our daily encounters, I love you very much and will always be here for you.
Love Mom
From Dad:
Hi Bev,
I am writing this letter to tell you something that I don't say very often to you. I love you.
Loving you is so easy, because you are just like me. Ha! A few things that are different between us is that you show your feelings better than me.
The time you had your fall from the bike and you wrote the story about it, I was so hurt. Hurt because it was true what you said. If you had to look close at me you would have seen that I was fighting back tears that I didn't want you to see. I know it is stupid to you but that's the way I am.
Telling you now that I'm sorry don't replace the hurt you had then. That kind of hurt don't heal with time. Oh! If I had my time back, I would show you the love I have for you. I'd show you feelings that you can't put on paper.
Dad
