Do you want to know what I believe? My vision of the deep down meaning of life? What I think is going to happen in the future (and hope will happen in the future)? This is the stuff that I will tell my children. And anyone else who will listen, probably! But, no, I will do my best to live it and teach it but I don't want to preach it. This is my purpose. This is why I am special. That sounds so weird on the outside of my head. But this is what I believe.
I believe that good things are yet to come. I believe that we are all here for a reason and that life isn't random; however, I don't believe in "God" as we know it - sorry, I know I am supposed to say "Him" but I am talking about a concept, not a being. God (or who/whatever we worship) is not a physical being and never has been. Jesus - and I do believe that Jesus existed but we'll get into that later - was the "son of God". Okay, so let's look at god as a concept.
Say that all of my self discovery - my existential plight, if you will - has developed an inner peace that is so tremendous that I cannot even find words that could describe it. Say that other people throughout time have also had these realizations or epiphanies (fuckin' Moses coming to them in the burning bush or whatever - who remembers that shit? I don't really do details.) and those people could find a way to describe it. And they wanted to let everyone know about it. And then it is conceivable that many of the religions in the world started with this exact thing, the existential plight of another. So, since the beginning of time (and let's remember that time did not begin 2009 years ago, that is only how time has been measured since the life of Jesus) since the absolute beginning of time - consistent with the degree of advancement of human kind, of course - all religions or belief systems or gods or sticks or whatever anyone has worshiped as the meaning of life, the destination, the reason we exist all started exactly where I am.
Wait. As I repeat that in my head I realize that it is not translating correctly. I do not in any way think of what I have gone through and what I have learned as the beginning of some kind of religion. I do not do not, in any way, shape or form, compare myself with God or (what the hell is another person/thing that is worshiped in another religion? Fuck. I really should have paid attention in school.) anyone/thing else. I do not compare myself with Jesus. And I truly, absolutely believe that Jesus existed. I believe that he lived a basically normal life - other than the fact that he was a big hero because his mother made up some story about not doing his father and people fell for it, ha, virgin, my aunt fanny! - and that at some point he had this same kind of epiphany (I will use that term for now but it has been so much more) and told people about it - of course, him being a hero made it all seem more true and his teachings caught on.
At some point in his life, Jesus went through a metamorphosis that made him discover or learn or realize the meaning of life. And he taught it to people the best way he knew how - he lived it. He talked about it and tried to help people learn to be good. He was Jesus and he taught people how and why they should live their life to the fulfillment of our destiny/reason for living. The same thing - consistent with the degree of advancement of human kind, of course - the same exact type of thing happened an infinite number of times throughout history (this is how we have evolved as people and this is how we will continue to evolve).
So, again, I don't compare myself to Jesus or the prophets or preachers or even to David Koresh but, I guess to a degree, I do. But I do not wish to live like them (I guess it's kind of in keeping with my theory of not being paid for something that I want to do as a volunteer because it then becomes a job... we should explore that theory a little deeper some other time!). I wish to live like Mr. Braun, my ex-boyfriend's father who, in the latter years of his life, believed in God and practiced his faith... it's rare that someone would live so faithfully and not preach it. (Isn't that amazing, the impact that man had on my life? How cool is that?) So the epiphany or belief system that I will teach (and I'm sure it will change and evolve and get smaller and get bigger throughout my life) but, right at this moment, this exact moment in time, this is what I believe:
I believe that we do all have a purpose. I believe that we are all here for a reason and I do believe in some form of heaven, but we will not die to get there. I believe in life. I believe that every person in every life makes an impact on others and those people make an impact on other people who then make an impact on other people, to varying degrees, of course. One concept of this - same concept as a religion - has been "pay it forward". As far as I know right now, this is the closest thing to my theory; not what I believe will happen in the end, but rather how we will get there. Pay it forward has long since been an idea of doing a good turn. In church we would shake the hand of the person next to us. Pay it forward is more a concept of, when someone does a good deed for you, instead of repaying the person who did the good deed, you would do a good deed for someone else, who would do for someone else and so on and so on. And I believe this will happen, it will take a while to circle the planet obviously but we're talking long term goals here.
I believe - and let's remember that I'm thinking in thousands of years - that we will pay it forward to utopia. I believe that, if I do good things for others and live the best life that I can live and share my belief system (I'm not interested in being Gandi or something), I will teach others to do the same. I am starting a pay it forward in life. This fire in me that I have been trying to smother for so long is good, and I will share it with others. It's good to be a hard worker, it's good to be nice to others, it's good to do more and experience more and be the best person that you can be, whatever that is for you. It's good to have children that can continue to improve the next generation who will have children in the next generation. Because, as more and more people are able to do that, more and more people will find their utopia, until everyone finds it. And then we will live in heaven - before death, not instead of death.
I think that might be why I believe in reincarnation but not the evil kind. I believe that souls are recycled and improved until they get it right and that is how we will get heaven. Heaven will be on earth and we will try and try and try until we get it right. And everyone will be happy, no matter what they look like or where they come from or what size of house or penis or bank account they have. There would have to still be drama though, huh? Just to keep it interesting. The bad drama and the good drama, too, though, more good drama! Love and loss. We will continue to evolve and improve and advance in every way - physically, mentally, technologically, spiritually, every way.
I would compare it to a video game. There are levels and stages and you go as far as you can and then the characters die and you start again and you get better. As you advance through the levels you learn directions and new ways to do things, thus more levels, thus more directions and new ways! And, in my estimation, the best way to play a video game is to poke around and do as much as you can in each level. You get more points and those points help you continue on and, this is how I want to live my life, getting the points is the best part... that's where the fun is... that's why it's important that we do it as good as we can.
Exactly where all this is going, I cannot be so presumptuous as to even think I could have an accurate guess. I can see each level that exists in my lifetime, if you consider a generation is a level, but after that, the next stage, is a whole other game. I think most people feel that the points are money and, to a degree, they are probably right but only in that, in the final stage (that could possibly be infinite), there will be no such thing as poor or ugly or stupid. There will be no such thing.
Let's consider that for a moment. The lessons that I learned as a child were quite good - every one is equal. I took that as everyone is the same but that is not accurate. The only way that everyone is the same is that everyone is different. Everyone gets to think different, and look different, we have different lives, different experiences, we learn different lessons and we take different things from the lessons that we have in common. And of that different, all of that will evolve. And eventually there will be heaven. On earth. Fuck, that is far too deep. Also fucking awesome. Also what I will teach my children, what I will work for and what I will live. The concept of an eventual utopia for everyone. Yeah.
