I had a few thoughts today while I was waiting for my computer reboot - fuckin' piece of crap computer!!
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I thought I was a bitch when I wasn't and
I thought I wasn't a bitch when I was
Things I wouldn't do:
limp (I thought it showed weakness)
phone anyone that wouldn't recognize my voice
do things without reminding everyone how amazing I was
answer the phone if I didn't feel bright and chipper
tell anyone negative things about me
tell anyone positive things about them (that one is not
totally true but there are definitely times!)
I wasn't quiting ___________ (enter appropriate lesson/activity here)
I was letting me down (just like I knew I would
I let him down, too, because I didn't know any better)
Ah ha! And sometimes I quit because I just didn't believe in me
and, if I couldn't believe in me, I couldn't believe in him
And I would watch people that did the things that I wanted to do but
quite confidently thought that I would never do
and just accepted that I could not do those things
and got mad when anyone else suggested otherwise
Poor Cathy, she can only tolerate so much of this good attitude (it's actually kind
of entertaining, poor fella!) She says: yes, yes, I get you, yes, that's exactly
how I felt, too, but, no, I think, I said it right because, I did it this way, me,
me, me, STOP!
I thought that no one could love me
if they saw inside,
then I showed Ian what I was inside
and proved I was right,
he didn't like me at all...
So I wondered why he didn't like me
and took my head out of the sand and
finally realized that it was because
I wasn't nice to him
because I wasn't nice to me
and, as I learned to be nice to me,
I became nicer to others, too
When I was getting stoned with Ian all the time I was happy
but I thought that I was happy because I was stoned all the time
so I stopped getting stoned
