I have decided that I will write a letter to Tom about the things that I want to tell him. I think a letter will deliver the information in a format that he can look at, think about, look at again, look at again and at least consider the possibility of the things I have to say. I want to tell him some of the things that I have learned and let him look for his own lessons in there. Hey, maybe I'm totally wrong about some of this stuff. But maybe I'm right. And maybe he can find peace, too. I shall compose the letter here because this is where I seem to express myself the best.
Here goes:
My brother,
Do you remember that poem that was framed on the living room wall when we were kids? It was called "Children Learn What They Live". I read it often and always thought that it was a very interesting concept; I have been testing and confirming the theories for most of my life. During the soul searching and personal growth that I have gone through during the past months, I turned it around on me and and looked at it backwards: this is how I am, where did I learn it? A lot of my introspection came from comparisons of the four of us kids so I guess I want to tell you what I figured out because we grew up in the same house with the same rules and, therefore, probably learned a lot of the same behaviors. And, I have to tell you, my brother, un-learning some of those behaviors has improved my life tremendously.
I am writing you a letter because I express myself much better on paper than in person. Also, so you can read what I have to say, think for a few days, then reread this and even just consider the possibility. We can talk about it if you want or not talk about it if you're not interested... it's all cool brother! I love you and I want to tell you some of the things that have made me deep down bone happy... just in case it can improve your happiness, too - take from it what you will.
Children Learn What They Live
By Dorothy Law Nolte, Ph.D.
If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.
If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.
If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.
If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.
I don't know if I told you about some of the conversations that I had with Mom when she was here the past few times. To be continued...
