Sometimes I catch myself thinking about Ian and I realize that all I want to do is be in his arms. Literally. I want to sit on the couch or lay in the bed and I want him to hold me. I miss him, I miss him. (I wonder why I can accept that he is with someone else yet still love him, he obviously doesn't love me. I guess one really has little to do with the other after all.)
I am going out for a beer with Vicki today. She is Ian's best friend's wife. She is also a friend of Linda's and, I think, the person who introduced them so many years ago. Vicki and I are friends, too, but we have never socialized without the men. I am looking forward to it. Vicki is genuinely Vicki. She does not apologize for being herself. I like that. I keep thinking of things that I want to say and things that I don't want to say. I guess I will have to wait and see what comes out after a beer or two! I do know that whatever I say could get back to Ian - and most likely will. That could be really really good. Or really really bad.
Also, I emailed Ian's mom the other day and offered to mow her lawn - she recently had surgery. Honestly, these things have nothing to do with Ian. I mean, I guess they have something to do with him because I met Marg and Vicki through him but I like them and I want to spend time with them and it has little to do with how I feel about him. Actually, it's the opposite of my normal behavior but I get to choose without worry of doing something wrong now. And that, my friend, is my little piece of freedom.
