I have decided that it is time to start dating... not necessarily looking for love but practicing for it and being open to it when it does come. I love Ian but he is gone. I do not intend to exclude him from my life in any way but it's time to start living, time to start being the person that I have struggled so hard to find. I have no idea where I will end up but I am excited to find out where this path leads me.
I have tried internet dating before but I only skirted the edge of it. Fabian contacted me the day after I set up my profile in 2002 (because I said I was a Newfie and he is too) and, during the ups and downs of my love life since, I have done little more than chat with a stranger once or twice. I was frustrated that people were never who they seemed to be but hindsight shows that I wasn't who I seemed to be, either. And so, grain of salt in hand, this woman is ready to try again.
Now for the hard part - the profile. I struggled to find the right words for hours last night and I went to bed thinking that, if I am having this much trouble with it, maybe I am not ready. Morning came with the realization that I am ready, I am just having trouble expressing these new ideas without sounding like a preacher. I guess I should just keep it light and happy; bogging people down with the depth of my values and ideals will do nothing but alienate myself from the fun people that I am trying to connect with. The people who I want to meet seem to be good by instinct; few seem to analyze themselves as I do.
So, what do I want to say? How would it come out if I were to write a letter to him, the one?
I think the biggest issue right now is that I don't look like me yet. That sounds kind of funny but I'm a big girl... on the outside.
