At the same time, I start thinking 'did he just spend so much time with me over the past week so that I could act as a buffer while his older brother was in town?' Yesterday I was thinking - why not me? Why do I think that I don't get this crazy little thing called love? Why do millions of people all over the world get to fall in love and have someone love them back but not me? Why do I think that everyone is just out to fuck me over? Instead of finding a reason why someone might want me, I find a reason why they might not. Then again, when it comes to Ian right now, there are lots of reasons why he might not want to be with me... learning his lesson the hard way for one thing. But then why invite me to spend time with his family like that? Why touch me the way he does? Why even bother considering getting back together?
And why can't I just go out with someone once for a change? Freak.
