Okay, I'm sitting here AGAIN having a big fight with myself AGAIN! I want I want I want to email Fabian. Just to send him those pictures that I took of him in his underwear. ARG!!! I promised myself that I wouldn't but I want I want. Not to get back together (HA), just contact. Something. I want. I might be losing the battle. It's because I've been good. mentally, I've been so good. But I'm not there. How long am I going to do this, feel this? Am I going to chase him? No, a nice friendly email... hey send me your co-worker's email addresses, they might be able to use these. Ha, ha! Simple, harmless. ????? He didn't email me back when I sent him those 'friends' emails. But he did email me back when I sent the 'going to Newfoundland' email. Just have a good time and I hope everything is going good. So, what's the big deal? It's not like I'm stalking him. He said he wanted to be friends. This sucks. he thinks I'm mental. And rightly so. But look at me. Look at how hard I'm working! Look how good I'm doing! Doesn't that count for something?

Okay, too late - argument's over - I just sent it. Crap.