Man, I am horny today! Had to come home and have a little party for myself at lunch time, if you know what I mean! Of course you do!! :) Dan I miss sex! If Fabe had been anywhere near me this morning, I would have jumped him!

And about Fabe. I keep kicking myself about writing about him all the time. This book is about me and my development and he's a big part of that, no matter what happens. So no more kicking! Play nice.

Okay, so about Fabe! Still want him. I got an inkling that he's thinking about me too. Last night I looked at his profile on MSN. He hadn't updated it in a year - he usually uses the other. Well, it was updated which means he probably logged in to see if I was on. Maybe I'm reading too much into this. But it renewed my hope.

So much up and down with this guy. I keep saying that I want to take things slow and then get so impatient. It was only last week that I had the first contact with him in over a month. I have to win him back by showing him how I've changed. And part of that is actually changing! Not going out of my mind when I don't hear from him. I was so down yesterday. That showed me two things: first, I'm not as far ahead of the game as I want to be. So now is no time to sit back and slide back into my hole. There's still lots of work to do here, Bevie. Don't stop now! Also, the pill wasn't causing jack. Would have been nice to blame something but it wasn't the pill. I was as down yesterday as ever. So I started it up again. Got to be ready in case there's any non-battery sex in my future!