You know, I think my real reason for being bothered by Ian not contacting me is it's kinda fucking up my faith in humanity. I have spent my whole life screwing around with strangers... I never thought much of their lines because they just wanted to fuck me and I just wanted to fuck them and, with that kind of person, I never wanted more. But with someone that I care about (I can care and not be in love) it kind of hurts me that he would work so hard to make me feel that he liked me beyond the sex and then not show it. Of course, from his perspective, maybe he read my no to sex as my no to everything... which is okay. Yes, I will look at it that way and then he's not an ass. And I am saying no to everything. I don't want to go backward, I don't want to be with someone because I am lonely (cuz I'm really not for the most part) and I don't want to have sex for sex's sake. I'll wait for my hot guy, I'll wait for the one who will get me and I will get him and we will struggle and fight but we will do it because the good part is so much bigger than the bad. I'm keeping the faith in humanity... and maybe letting go of some of my respect for Ian (maybe I can see what I want to be his perspective but it doesn't mean that he wasn't trying to use me for a quick fuck).
Footnote: This was written on the day that Ian got the call to go in for his pancreas. Oops! Perhaps I don't have the best judgment when it comes to this stuff!
