Fuck.

With all of those nice platitudes that I've been saying, you would think that I would believe them. "This, too, shall pass" blah, blah, blah. I know it will pass... but I have to get through it first. I feel tired, drained, exhausted... I feel like I don't have a home and all I want in this whole world right now is to have a home... somewhere that I can go to and be alone. I just can't deal with this the way I deal with things with everyone watching me... waiting to see the weakness. I want to cry and to sleep and to scream and to get on with my life but I have to smile and be strong and be brave and make it seem like everything is okay. And it will be okay... but it's not okay right now. This is the problem with having close friends and having people around all the time... they want to see your feelings and they want to help but they don't get that letting it all out in front of someone doesn't help at all. Fuck.