Well, the deed has finally been done. I didn't tell him after on Thursday... I was so tired and we were having a somewhat nice evening so I just didn't. Friday he was fumbling with his blood all night so I didn't tell him then, either. On Saturday, I got up and ready to go to Stacey's... I even left the house... then I turned around and went back in and told him that we needed to talk. He was extrememly good about it. I'm glad that I took the time that I did to get everything straightened out in my head so that I was able to tell him exactly what was going on. I told him that I wanted to live alone and that he did nothing wrong. I told him that if it was something that we could work on, I would work at it but this is basic personality conflicts that cannot be resolved. We are not right for each other and that is the bottom line. I cried a bit; he did not. He said "That's fine, honey". He attempted to argue with me in the beginning but, everything that he said was wrong with me I just agreed with him. Because it's true - I don't want to tell him everything, I don't want to accept his help, I don't want to be nice and spend all of my time with him.
How do I feel about it all? Good, over all. I was relieved on Saturday, so relieved to have finally said it. And all night I kept thinking of all of these silly things that I can do again... I can have Kraft dinner! I can go to bed early or late. I can get up early or late. No one will tell me what to eat and when. No one will buy my groceries for me and then get mad at me for not eating things that I don't want. I can have mushrooms! I can decorate and have everything exactly the way that I want it all the time. I don't have to compromise, I don't have to share, I don't have to worry about anyone but me! Wow... I am one selfish asshole! But at least I can admit it! And it's not like I want to subject anyone else to it. It really is all about me.
