Well, last night I took a couple of pictures of me in my pj's, sitting on the couch, watching tv, gut hanging out from under my shirt for all the world to see. I printed those pictures and put them on my fridge so I would see them a million times a day. I want the image of what I really look like burned into my brain so I will stop making these stupid decisions... just one more won't hurt, right?
Ugh. I have to say, I would have less respect for Rob if he liked me as I look right now. Okay, well, it's really easy to say that because it seems like he indeed does not like me in that way and I am just coming to terms with it so please excuse me.
I don't get any hits on the POF site these days, either. I wonder if I should hide my profile for a while. Just a really little while... until I get into the next pant size maybe. I just don't like anyone - except Rob - anyway. Part of me says that I should leave it up because you never know but... oh, I don't know.
I'm so sick of becoming me. I want to just be me already. I need to stop asking why. I need to stop thinking CONSTANTLY and start being or something, I don't know... just move on already. Enough, enough... I need a life again now, please.
