Well, I'm back. I made it. I survived. Barely! Just kidding. Overall I would have to say that it was a good trip (like I said, I sometimes turn this into a place to complain but there was lots of good times, too!). I learned a lot more about my family, my parents in particular; and I learned a lot more about myself and who I am trying to be. And I left my glasses in the stupid Toronto airport!! [I swear to god, I am standing there, in the bathroom stall, thinking, as I take the glasses off, that haha, wouldn't it be funny if I leave them here, I pee, I wipe, I zip, I wash, I leave. Next thing I know, I'm belted into my seat in the last row of the plane, watching the final passengers settle in for the long flight and I think 'hmmm... something is missing... crap'. I also threw $50 in the garbage and burnt my arm but we'll leave those stories for another day.]
Another story is that I received two notes from Lyle (he must have stuffed them in my door while I was away and my neighbor held them for me)... the first one goes a little like this:
Bev, I have come by now 5 times to talk to you face to face about what has happened to me since I last saw you in June. I had every intention of returning your DVD's, I was just looking for a time and place so I could see you, sorry about the wait. Please call me at 555-555-5555 (except he gave his actual number!) so I can at least tell you my side of the story. BELIEVE ME! You did nothing wrong, I had a lot happen to me in the middle of June, again it was about me not you, I totally did the wrong thing and did not talk to you about it. Again please forgive me Bev, if there is anything I can at least get from you hopefully is your friendship. Lyle. P.S. I miss you, you are a great person and never did anything wrong to me!!
And here's the second:
To: Bev, I have tried now 6 times to contact you, hopefully you received my letter. I have been looking everywhere for your phone number, I have lost it! Please call or email a.s.a.p. I would like to talk to you! Lyle. 555-555-5555 (this time that's the number that he wrote down... just kidding)
So I called him. Left a message that I would be out tonight but I wouldn't mind getting together tomorrow or Thursday if he wanted to talk. What's the worst that could happen? I am fine without him. I liked him but there were little red flags. And I liked him, I felt that we were looking for the same things. Did I want to find those things with him? I didn't know him long enough to figure that out but it sure seemed promising. And I will be maintaining my celibacy until after my birthday. That is a promise that I made to myself and I am going to keep that promise. I will not let myself down and then maybe I will learn to not let others down. I will parent me if no one else is willing or able to do a thorough job of it!!!
I really think that most men find it difficult to be with me at first and pull back - maybe that's why I always stayed on defense, I didn't have enough patience to let them pull back and trust that they would return. Or not, but if they didn't return I would be moved on from them anyway. Part of my dueling personalities... ever sitting on the fence - just in case.
