Do you know that old saying about how Monday never comes? Start the diet on Monday. Quit smoking on Monday. Weekend is going to be a blast because I have to do all of the eating and partying that I can do before Monday. Well, tomorrow is Monday.
Monday, end of the summer, back to life, back to reality. It's been nice. I have enjoyed this time off, this time of inner reflection, this time of learning to be myself. And I really think it's been good for me. I feel further ahead than I was in March when I quit my job... even thought I incurred/will incur about a minimum of $30,000. Actually, $20,000 because I owed $10,000 when I started. I guess I didn't really tone down on my spending too much. It lasted a week or two. Just like the eating healthy. Just like the exercise. But the one and only rule of the summer of 2008 was - whatever. Anything goes. Do it right. And do it. All the way.
I did. I let go of everything. My job, my attitude, my frustration; and I learned patience and tolerance and respect. I learned who I am and I learned who I want to be. I have set a new path in life for the first time since I was about 18 - which culminated on my 30th birthday. Since then I have been floundering, I have been sure and unsure of so many things, so many people, so many perspectives. It's almost as if I had to do everything exactly wrong so that I can finally get it right.
And I will get it right. I am excited. I am enthused! I am me now... I get to be me! And it's all on my shoulders. Whoever I end up becoming will be because I chose it, I worked for it, I earned it. I will not remain in a job that makes me weep inside just because I need to impress someone that I don't even know or care about. I will not dress, I will not speak, I will not act for anyone but me. The funny part of that is it's the reverse of my old "it's all about me" motto. It's about everyone else because the best part of me is the part that sees other people. I am the mediator, I mediate.
It's about accepting myself for who I am. It's about making the inside match the outside and the outside match the inside, because they were both confused... they just fed on each other. It's finally time to let habit become character. This is the part that I have been waiting for. And I am ready. Bring it on world!
