And it’s not like I want to blame everything on this condition… well, I guess I do want to blame the parts of my personality that I don’t like on it. But it’s more than that.
Understanding Depression -- What Are the Symptoms?
For major depression, you may experience five or more of the following for at least a two-week period:
· Persistent sadness, pessimism.
· Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, helplessness or hopelessness.
· Loss of interest or pleasure in usual activities, including sex.
· Difficulty concentrating and complaints of poor memory.
· Insomnia or oversleeping.
· Weight gain or loss.
· Fatigue, lack of energy.
· Anxiety, agitation, irritability.
· Thoughts of suicide or death.
· Slow speech; slow movements.
· Headache, stomachache and digestive problems.
Of the 11 symptoms here (from the WebMD site), I currently have at least five. Prior to medication, I had all of them at one time or another. I remember when I first started taking the drugs; my life was pure hell due to the extreme ups and downs and the learning curve. I went back to the doctor to increase my meds. When I was still having problems and my doctor wanted me to start even more medication, I decided to try exercising and eating right as a supplement instead of more pills. And it worked. I was there. Was that temporary? Is the way I am feeling right now more consistent with who I am? I don’t think so.
I think, and I know I’ve said this before, I have to take better care of the stuff that I can control. I need to exercise and eat better. It’s the only way. The drugs are keeping me off the closet floor but that’s not enough. I expect more from myself, from my life. I don’t want to struggle like this for the rest of my life. I don’t want to let my work pile up around me while I try to find a way to cope with the simplest basic things. For a long time now I have been recognizing the depression only when I am uncontrollably crying but that’s not the only problem. I realize that this is something that is with me to a certain degree no matter what I do but I’m the only one who can control it. And I am a control freak so control it I will!
