Why is it that at the end of every movie, when the guy holds the girl and you just know that everything is going to be just fine, why is it that I always cry? I always think: I've never had that. And maybe I'll never have that. I guess I have though, maybe not the way I wanted it, maybe not like in the movies. Will I have it like that? Ever? Someone who will put their arms around me, just because I need it? I hope so. But I honestly fear that I won't.

And I know it isn't everything. I'm not that girl who thought that some man could make everything okay. That girl is gone. It would still be nice to have that, though.

I was just watching this movie and the guy says "do you feel like you chose your life or like your life chose you?" And I chose. I could have stayed in the trailer park in Wabush with Paul. I could have stayed in Mom and Dad's basement in Newfoundland. I could have stayed in my beautiful house with Karl and my beautiful dogs. But something was wrong and I needed to make it right. And I did. I don't think that I ever gave myself enough credit for that. People say how brave to move across the country by yourself. How strong to buy your own home and live alone. How dedicated to work so hard and do so well. And - damnit! - they're right. I keep reminding myself to stop crying for what I don't have, for being different and rejoice who I am. Because this is who I wanted to be. This. Here. Now. This. Me. Stop crying.