As positive as I sound sometimes, there are still times that I wonder if I will actually come out of all of this in one piece. All of this analyzing and soul-searching is a load of crap. Is my life any different than when it first started? Really? I don't think so. Will I always sit here and hate myself because no one loves me and because I seem to be so beyond hope. It really seems as if I will. So I quit my job, and left the guy, and sold my condo and nothing is different. Nothing. FUCKING NOTHING!!!!!!!!! Christ! If I had a gun in my hand right now... I would probably do nothing... but I would be so fucking tempted it's not fucking funny. This has to end. It has to. It has to. It has to. It has to. It has to. It has to. Please. Just stop.
Alcohol makes me want to hurt myself... it's all coming back to me now...
