What's new? Are you sitting down? Not that there's anything exceptionally exciting or tragic but... well, I tend to go on and on. And on. And... okay, I've made my point.
So, what is new? I went to Mexico! My first 'vacation' since I went to Florida when I was eight. Stacey and I had been talking about going away for years - we even opened a bank account to save some money one year... and closed it a few months later. Anyway, we did it, it was wonderful. It was pretty cool! There were four pools and we were right on the ocean. The sand is more fine than table salt! (Do you understand that I come from a place called "the rock"?? There's no sand. There is rock.) We lazed around by the water all day - Stacey chasing the sun, me hiding from it. Stacey never burns and she got a burn on her back while wearing SPF 30 sun block in Mexico! I burn in frickin' Alaska.
The hotel was pretty cool. We were on the 10th floor so there was a lot of elevators going on. I actually walked up the stairs 4.5 times - the first time I only made it to the fourth floor! (the first time I was wheezing for my inhaler, the second time I took my inhaler too soon (you are supposed to huff at least 15 minutes before exercising and I took a huff about one minute before I started so it didn't really help), the third time I took my inhaler wrong and sucked it into my stomach again (it raises your blood pressure because it is stimulating your whatever or some such shit - ask my sister, she's the pharmacist!) and the last time I walked up those stairs I barely even breathed heavy (for someone who's body reacts so quickly and dramatically to exercise and good diet, I really do lead a life style on the shit end of the stick sometimes!!). Anyway. Does any of that make sense? I'm stoned again. (don't get me started!)
So, Mexico. We had an amazing view of the Caribbean ocean from our veranda. Two queen sized beds pushed together. I asked Stacey for the bed on the right side because I sleep facing that way and it's the only way I can disguise my little problem (I don't know you well enough to tell you about that one! If I'm hiding it from Stacey, I'm certainly not telling the world!). I was also closest to the bathroom (which was really good since I spent the first night there barfing my guts out!). The mini bar was refilled daily with pop and water and beer, and everything was free (well, perhaps I should say 'included'!).
It was kind of funny, living with Stacey like that. Man, I love her but we are d-i-f-f-e-r-e-n-t! Holy shit. Now I see why she thinks I'm anal and a clean freak. She's a slob. I was even tiding her stuff every day. But, perhaps I shouldn't say a slob because she is actually just like about 85% of most people that I know - I am the odd man out in this equation. But she just leaves a mess in her wake. We got along pretty good. I had some time by myself (which you will hear about next) but I enjoyed being with her. Like she was almost my practise for a man - starting small, without the added pressure of it being a guy and romantic feelings (in my world they are called insecurities... romance = insecure).
As far as I can see, I have two areas of problems with men - getting them and keeping them. A few have fallen through the cracks in the getting them department but they all fell through in the keeping them part. I have learned that I project a different image of who I am than who I actually am. Hmmm, confused? People see me differently than I see myself. The person that people see isn't actually me. I'm getting closer but I still don't think I look like the person that I am; although I do still feel that it will happen in time. So the 'getting' them part is a work in progress. I also think that the revelations and changes of last year are still settling in (actually, sometimes I lose them, veer off track and I would like to get into that if my fingers can handle it!) so I am wondering how I will do next time in the keeping them department. I used my Stacey as kind of a test in dealing with someone else in that scenario (trust me, it hasn't been pretty in the past) but it was also different. I know she loves me, I don't doubt that she is there for me, she is interested in me, she doesn't have the power to go screw someone else and fuck up my life, she doesn't have a penis and therefore I am myself when she is around. (I'm learning, I'm learning! I will learn to be me around the penises soon, I hope! Like. Real. Soon. I. HOPE.)
I wasn't bitchy. I wasn't rude. Or inconsiderate (well, when I was at least I realized it and acknowledged it). And when she was inconsiderate I took it in stride. We didn't squabble or drive each other up the wall at all. I am looking for Stacey with male parts as my life partner. I love that woman. She is irritating sometimes and I think that even makes her better! Because I am irritating sometimes, too! And that's okay. We had a lot of fun! We learned to barter and we went on a club-crawl. Stacey went on a day long outing to see the Mayan Ruins but I stayed in bed that day. I would tell you why but I am fading fast. Maybe more later.
