Still no word from Mr. McCulloch. I honestly don't know how I feel about it... I guess I am sitting on the fence. One good thing is that I am not obsessing or going crazy about it, forcing an end like I usually do... I'm just waiting to see how it plays out. I don't know what I want... how could I have been so totally in love with him a month ago and now feel nothing? Am I just forcing my feelings down or is this how I really feel (sober)? I have been somewhat weepy the past day or two - is that p.m.s. or am I not reading my feelings right? I don't know... it's all new... how am I supposed to tell if I like the stinkin' guy or not? I always keep these things so buried... how do you let them out enough to understand them but not so much that you become a basket case? Am I 12?
There are good things about being alone... I have a lot of studying to do - just signed up for two courses at Kwantlen, just got my new piano so I need to learn to play that, got tons of work to do (that I have absolutely no interest in!), I should be exercising, I should be spending more time with my friends to keep the lonliness at bay. Bad things about being alone... I miss Daisy (maybe I should get a dog??), do I miss Ian? I don't know. I really don't. Do I? To a degree I guess. I keep focusing on things that I don't like about him so I haven't spent much time considering the things that I do like. If I'm questioning it this much, doesn't that mean that I don't like him enough? Ah, if only it were that easy.
