Just got off the phone with the Fabe. I'm a little weirded out. This is such a messed up feeling sometimes. It's like I don't know how to react to certain things. And then I don't know if my reactions that I do have are real or habit. Like we were talking about threesomes, which we've discussed a million times, and I really felt jealous when he mentioned that he knew someone that might be interested. And then I started thinking am I really jealous or is it just the way I always used to react? But then I was like - I don't want to play these games now so I don't know if I could do something like that and survive it. But do I tell him that? Because I don't know where he's at with all of this. Is it just sex to him or does he want to consider more? Shit. How do I do this? This is going to be a rough time in some ways, I think. But I know I need to try. For real this time. No games. And let's see.