Muther father!

Mother fucker mother fucker mother fucker is what I really want to say. Godamnit! Is this never going to end? I'm sitting here and I just don't want to do any work. I blamed it on Facebook for the last couple of weeks/months but I don't want to look at Facebook anymore, either. I'm still teetering... on the edge... I think that I have control of it but whatthefuck? Rationally, I know that the pills keep me from jumping off the edge... that whole Claritan thing showed me life without them again. But I'm not doing anything for myself this way. But that's all I want to do... I want to sit on the couch and smoke dope and eat crap then I want to go to bed and get up and do it again. Is this what I'm looking for in my life? I'm hating the mirror again, I'm fat fat fat (seems as long as I don't go past my heaviest I think that it's okay to keep eating like I do), I don't want to work, I don't want to go out, I don't want to walk. I have a bad case of the Idontwannas and it's time for it to stop. Tomorrow. Maybe next Monday. Mother fucker.